{"id":11627,"date":"2023-02-25T12:00:01","date_gmt":"2023-02-25T12:00:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.yogajournal.com\/?p=109348"},"modified":"2023-02-25T12:00:01","modified_gmt":"2023-02-25T12:00:01","slug":"i-love-her-so-much-why-cant-i-convince-her-to-meditate","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/yogacourseware.com\/index.php\/2023\/02\/25\/i-love-her-so-much-why-cant-i-convince-her-to-meditate\/","title":{"rendered":"I love her so much. Why can\u2019t I convince her to meditate?"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n
\n

Get full access to Outside Learn, our online education hub featuring in-depth yoga, fitness, & nutrition courses, when you <a href="https:\/\/www.yogajournal.com\/outsideplus" class="o-content-cta-link" data-analytics-event="click" data-analytics-data="{"name":"Element Clicked","props":{"destination_url":"\/outsideplus","domain":"<>","name":"in-content-cta","type":"link"}}”>sign up for Outside+<\/a>. <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

Sending my firstborn to university was way harder than I had imagined. I\u2019ll never forget getting back into the car with my husband and younger daughter after drop-off and realizing my college girl wasn\u2019t coming with us. I tried to balance my rising panic<\/a> by reminding myself of the momentousness of this next chapter. My kid got into college! She was charting her own path! I was so proud of her! And anyhow, hadn\u2019t she practically shoved us into the car back there? The girl was ready to launch<\/em>.<\/p>\n

So it caught me off-guard when, not 12 hours later, she made the first of many tearful calls home. She was overwhelmed and lonely. She hated the food. Her fairy lights weren\u2019t working. She wanted to come home. I promised her this feeling was temporary, that things would get better. I told her to give it time.<\/p>\n

Sure enough, she soon settled in, but as the months wore on, I could sense the strain of balancing academics with homesickness<\/a> and a voracious new social life. \u201cI\u2019m so stressed,\u201d she\u2019d text me on any given night. During Facetime calls, I\u2019d scan her face for proof that she was taking care of herself. And while she assured me she was getting enough sleep and wasn\u2019t partying too hard, her Instagram page suggested otherwise. On top of that were our differing definitions of self-care: for my daughter, watching a movie in bed at 3 a.m. with five of her friends counted as \u201cdowntime.\u201d<\/p>\n

I quickly learned that I have very little\u2014okay, zero\u2014control over how she spends her time. But that hasn\u2019t stopped me from offering strategies to help her handle any situation. One thing I\u2019ve suggested is meditation.<\/p>\n

Passing Down Helpful Tools<\/h2>\n

I started practicing meditation 15 years ago after being blindsided by a panic attack one night. I immediately enrolled in an MBSR program<\/a> and it calmed my out-of-whack nervous system and made my panic retreat. My daughter and I are similarly built. She has my love of nature, my sense of humor, and my anxiety.  So there\u2019s no doubt in my mind that my daughter\u2019s problems\u2014racing thoughts, insomnia, bouts of sadness\u2014would respond well to a mindfulness practice.<\/p>\n

Study after study has shown that, whether you\u2019re a mom, a monk, or a math major, meditation<\/a> works.  The simple act of focusing on the breath slows a fired-up brain. It also lowers cortisol levels and boosts well-being. And mindfulness builds distress tolerance<\/a> in kids by teaching them to accept\u2014rather than react to\u2014difficult situations. I\u2019m not saying meditation is a cure-all, and it won\u2019t work for everyone<\/a>, but it could be a cheap and efficient tool in my daughter\u2019s mental health arsenal.<\/p>\n

She rather enjoyed meditation when she was little, especially if it meant crawling into my lap. If she\u2019d had a hard day at school or a run-in with a friend, a short meditation could quickly ground her. Meditation was cozy, it was quiet, it was together time\u2014and it was way easier before technology entered the picture.<\/p>\n

In the years since cell phones and social media have become a ubiquitous part of adolescent life, research has revealed the negative impact on teen mental health. And a recent CDC report<\/a> made one thing clear: our girls are hurting. In 2021, 60 percent of teenage girls reported \u201cpersistent feelings of sadness and hopelessness;\u201d 18 percent experienced sexual violence. An unthinkable one in three girls in the U.S. had seriously contemplated suicide.<\/p>\n

Now add the pressure-cooker environment of college. According to the fall 2021 National College Health Assessment<\/a>, 22 percent of college students hit markers for major depression, and 40 percent scored for overall depression. Anxiety, suicidal ideation, eating disorders, and substance abuse all thrive in college settings. Being on at least one medication is practically a given in my daughter\u2019s residence.<\/p>\n

Meditation is a Superpower<\/h2>\n

To me, meditation would be like a secret superpower to address the stress of emerging adults\u2014but try telling that to my kid.<\/p>\n

\u201cMeditation just doesn\u2019t work for me, mom,\u201d is a constant refrain I now hear from my fidgety student. What I hear is, \u201cMeditation is hard and boring, and I\u2019m not feeling better fast enough. Why would I meditate when I can feel so much better so much faster by ordering Uber Eats?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you meditate when you were my age?\u201d is a question she frequently lobs my way. I fumble and then explain that, unfortunately, meditation just wasn\u2019t accessible when I was growing up the way it is now. (Which is why I was forced to decompress by watching soap operas\u2014but I leave that part out.) \u201cWell, that\u2019s convenient,\u201d she says with an eye roll.<\/p>\n

Helping a Loved One See the Light<\/h2>\n

Sometimes I text her short, guided meditations from YouTube, selecting ones with the least new-age vibe and with narrators that sound nothing like her mother. Once, she listened to one of them and admitted it was kind of nice.<\/p>\n

Naturally, I responded with my trademark over-enthusiasm: \u201cThat\u2019s so great!\u201d I gushed, \u201cAnd it\u2019s so short! You can easily do it before bed. Maybe you can have a nightly ritual: a cup of tea, then meditation, then to bed with a book\u2014maybe that Pema Chodron<\/a> one I sent you\u2014did that arrive?\u201c<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, maybe,\u201d she says, cutting me off, \u201cSomeone\u2019s at my door, Mom. I gotta go.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut it\u2019s 11:30 at night\u2026\u201d I sputter. \u201cAnd it\u2019s a Tuesday!\u201d<\/p>\n

Click.<\/p>\n

A Wake-Up Call for Both of Us<\/h2>\n

The other day, I had a revelation.<\/p>\n

There will be no ritual before bed<\/a>, no sipping tea or preparing herself for sleep by reading spiritual books. There\u2019s no such thing as \u201cwind-down\u201d time when you\u2019re a first-year college student.<\/p>\n

My daughter is hundreds of miles away. She\u2019s living her life. She\u2019s working hard and playing hard. I also have to remind myself that just because I haven\u2019t heard from her in a week doesn\u2019t mean she\u2019s curled up in the fetal position in the dark. In fact, every text she doesn\u2019t<\/em> send means a problem she\u2019s solved on her own.<\/p>\n

Sure, she\u2019s probably making mistakes, stifling fear, and sometimes coping with anxiety in unhealthy ways. But here\u2019s the thing: My daughter has to come to meditation on her own. She has to be willing to slow down long enough to sit\u2014sit with her boredom and irritation, sit with her painful memories, sit with her sadness. If anyone knows that\u2019s easier said than done, it\u2019s me.<\/p>\n

What\u2019s a Parent To Do?<\/h2>\n

Another revelation: I\u2019m not responsible for my daughter\u2019s happiness\u2014and that kills me. All I can do is lead by example. That means taking care of my physical and mental health, working on my reactive energy when she\u2019s back in the house\u2014and, oh, yes\u2014shoring up my own spotty meditation practice.<\/p>\n

Because if I\u2019m honest, pretty much everything I \u201csuggest\u201d for my daughter is rooted in something I need just as badly myself. Who am I to judge her racing thoughts when my own brain is like a tilt-a-whirl half the time? How can I expect a 20-year-old to sit with her discomfort if I can\u2019t befriend my own squirm-inducing thoughts?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s vital that I carve out time to sit and quietly observe the tsunami of irrational fears that regularly flood my brain\u2014including my fear for her. I\u2019m aware that I must let them in but not invite them to stay for tea\u2014though, admittedly, that last part is a tall order. When it comes to my thoughts, I\u2019m always up for tea and a chat.<\/p>\n

But I owe it to her\u2014to my whole family\u2014to show up as the best version of myself, so I\u2019ll continue to practice what I preach and commit to daily meditation. As for my daughter, I\u2019ll remind myself that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.<\/p>\n

\n

About Our Contributor<\/strong>
Chris Deacon<\/a> is a Toronto-based writer, filmmaker, and yogi. Her work has appeared in <\/em>Chatelaine, Broadview, Toronto Life, and<\/em> Today\u2019s Parent, among others.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\"I<\/figure>\n

Mindfulness practices help young people’s mental health\u2014and they desperately need the support\u2014but my college student just can\u2019t see it. <\/p>\n

The post I love her so much. Why can\u2019t I convince her to meditate?<\/a> appeared first on Yoga Journal<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":11628,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[37,35,36],"class_list":["post-11627","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ayurveda","tag-blogs","tag-yoga","tag-yogacourseware"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/yogacourseware.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11627","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/yogacourseware.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/yogacourseware.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yogacourseware.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yogacourseware.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11627"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/yogacourseware.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11627\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yogacourseware.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11628"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/yogacourseware.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11627"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yogacourseware.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11627"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yogacourseware.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11627"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}