{"id":17996,"date":"2023-08-09T20:16:08","date_gmt":"2023-08-09T20:16:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.yogajournal.com\/?p=113085"},"modified":"2023-08-09T20:16:08","modified_gmt":"2023-08-09T20:16:08","slug":"she-was-exhausted-by-overachieving-then-she-tried-yoga","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/yogacourseware.com\/index.php\/2023\/08\/09\/she-was-exhausted-by-overachieving-then-she-tried-yoga\/","title":{"rendered":"She Was Exhausted by Overachieving. Then She Tried Yoga."},"content":{"rendered":"
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Heading out the door? Read this article on the new Outside+ app available now on iOS devices for members! <a href="https:\/\/outsideapp.onelink.me\/wOhi\/6wh1kbvw" class="o-content-cta-link" data-analytics-event="click" data-analytics-data="{"name":"Element Clicked","props":{"destination_url":"https:\/\/outsideapp.onelink.me\/wOhi\/6wh1kbvw","domain":"<>","name":"in-content-cta","type":"link"}}”>Download the app<\/a>. <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

Sitting cross-legged with her eyes closed, Peloton\u2019s<\/a> Kirra Michel began a recent class by reciting one of her favorite Bhagavad Gita<\/em> aphorisms. Chapter 6, verse 16<\/a> of the sacred Hindu text loosely translates to, \u201ctoo little or too much impedes success in yoga.\u201d<\/p>\n

But when she shared the quote with students, she added a contextual caution. \u201cI want you to be really careful about what that word \u2018success\u2019 means,\u201d she said. \u201cSuccess in the Gita<\/em> is different from success in the Western world. It\u2019s happiness, joy, contentment, the middle path. It\u2019s inner stillness.\u201d<\/p>\n

The fact that the passage resonates with Michel speaks to the perspective-shifting work she\u2019s done to confront her personal obstacles to contentment and stillness, including a propensity for extremes.<\/p>\n

Michel describes her experience with compulsive exercise and workaholism as addictive behaviors. Because these addictions tend to be socially sanctioned and sometimes even celebrated, \u201cthe harder you work, the more you\u2019re praised, and no one knows that you\u2019re dealing with a form of addiction,\u201d she says. \u201cI\u2019m really, really grateful that I haven\u2019t had substance abuse issues. But I ended up with an addiction to work and fitness and used both as avoidance and coping mechanisms.\u201d<\/p>\n

Kirra Michel\u2019s Childhood Cut Short<\/h2>\n

Stillness has never come naturally to Michel. Growing up on the beach in Lennox Head, Australia, she channeled her childhood energy into surfing, dancing, and competitive rhythmic gymnastics. She learned early on that hard work paid off and internalized that ethos in all facets of her life.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy dad was a carpenter\u2014he wasn\u2019t home much and I never saw him rest,\u201d Michel says. \u201cAnd I was always praised a lot by both him and my mom for being athletic and for doing well in academics.\u201d<\/p>\n

Michel grew up equating her worth with her productivity and physical output, problematic associations that were complicated by her participation in aesthetically focused activities. \u201cFitness became a form of self-punishment when I was a teenager, and it went hand in hand with my eating disorder,\u201d she says. \u201cDance and gymnastics were my loves, but both were in front of the mirror. You just rip yourself apart in front of those mirrors.\u201d<\/p>\n

As her relationship to herself and her sense of worth became increasingly intertwined with her busyness and outward appearance, Michel threw herself into work and school, taking on two jobs while also studying. Her home life was challenging, and there came a point in her teens when she no longer felt safe. At 16, Michel set out on her own, eventually landing in New York City.<\/p>\n

The chaos of her chosen home compounded the loneliness that her constant effort had hidden, even from herself. \u201cNew York was so phenomenal, but I was so depressed,\u201d she says. \u201cIt was like I was stuck in a black cloud of darkness, and things felt futile. I didn\u2019t want to socialize because I didn\u2019t want to be a burden, so I would isolate and push people away. I struggled to eat and sleep and I would go through phases of working out intensely just to feel something.\u201d<\/p>\n

Turning Toward Stillness<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Seeking some sense of grounding, Michel recalled a book her dad had given her called Dharma Punx<\/a>, which tells the story of author Noah Levine\u2019s evolution from self-destruction and drug addiction to Buddhism and spiritual growth while retaining his ties to the punk scene of his youth. Michel related to aspects of Levine\u2019s story and sought out a Dharma Punx meditation group based in New York. It was the first time she\u2019d ever formally meditated.<\/p>\n

Afterward, she realized she\u2019d been unknowingly practicing mindfulness since childhood. \u201cGrowing up, when there was trouble at home, I would just walk to the beach and sit on the rocks looking out into the water for hours\u2014I was meditating,\u201d she says. \u201cI realize now that I was seeking grounding and spaciousness and something that puts life into perspective.\u201d<\/p>\n

Michel began attending the meditation sessions regularly and eventually, through her new circle of like-minded friends, began yoga. She wasn\u2019t entirely new to the practice, but her mindset around it had shifted entirely.<\/p>\n

\u201cYoga had never been \u2018enough\u2019 for me,\u201d she says. \u201cIt wasn\u2019t fast enough, I didn\u2019t sweat enough, I didn\u2019t think it was \u2018fitness.\u2019 I tried it and I was really bored with it and walked out of there being like, \u2018Well, okay, now I need to work out because this isn\u2019t enough for me.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Finding her groove in meditation, however, unlocked a fresh perspective on yoga that transcended asana. \u201cYoga and meditation were the biggest turning points for me,\u201d she says. \u201cBecause for the first time in my life, instead of when I was a dancer or a gymnast\u2014where more was more, and more flexibility was better\u2014in yoga, it\u2019s like, \u2018No, we\u2019re not going for that. Instead of hyperextending in a three-legged dog to make a beautiful position, you square the hips off, and you may not get that same look as a Standing Split. I was like, \u2018Wait, you\u2019re telling me to pull back<\/em> rather than push more?\u2019 I\u2019d never had that concept relayed to me in my entire life.\u201d<\/p>\n

Within a few months, Michel signed up for her first teacher training and earned her certification, although the same \u201cmore is more\u201d mentality continued to dictate her daily life. \u201cBeing a yoga teacher in New York is a hustle,\u201d she says. \u201cYou don\u2019t sleep much because you have early classes and late classes, and you\u2019re often in transit for two, three, sometimes four hours a day going back and forth. I was still in that hustle mentality.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYoga and Buddhism began to crack things open, but I still held so tightly to that mentality because it was my addiction,\u201d she says. \u201dNot only did I not know who I was without that hustle mentality, but I couldn\u2019t financially afford not <\/em>to hustle.\u201d<\/p>\n

In 2021, the opportunity to settle down professionally with a fitness brand presented itself. Michel was invited to join Peloton\u2019s yoga team and at last felt like she could afford to slow down. \u201cI could finally sleep,\u201d she says. \u201cI had financial security and health insurance and a 401K and I no longer had to run around every single day, commuting four hours from one studio to the next and teaching private classes in between. The security of the Peloton position was almost unheard of as a yoga teacher.\u201d<\/p>\n

But the relative stillness she found in a secure professional position revealed something else under the surface. \u201cI had a phenomenal job, I wasn\u2019t financially struggling anymore, I felt like I could finally breathe,\u201d she says. \u201cBut after all the work I put in, and doing all the things society told me to do\u2014I got the job, I did all the things\u2014I realized I was still dealing with depression. There was a slight sense of confusion and I was struggling to feel the full joy I knew this opportunity should be bringing into my life.\u201d<\/p>\n

All the painful things she\u2019d tried to run from by overworking were still there. \u201cI felt lied to a little bit\u2014not by anyone in particular, but by societal norms,\u201d Michel says.<\/p>\n

Finding Balance and Trust<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Over the past three years, Michel has worked especially hard to tackle the perfectionistic and workaholic tendencies she was conditioned to embrace her entire life and admits that she\u2019s still a work in progress. She worked with a therapist in her teens to treat the clinical symptoms of her eating disorder, and she recently sought out additional support to address her proclivity toward overexertion.<\/p>\n

In 2020, Michel began exploring more spiritually rooted resources that integrate yogic philosophy, which she says helps her work through deep-seated issues. \u201cI\u2019ve been doing family constellation work, which examines your family dynamic and looks at how and why you act and react in certain ways,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

After years of introspection and therapeutic treatments to address her compulsive behaviors, Michel says she now has a better idea of how she fell into these patterns in the first place. As a teenager and young adult, she lacked the tools to cope with deep-seated emotional and mental health struggles. Instead, she buried herself in work and workouts in an effort to avoid pain. Over time, with a lot of effort, support, and yogic philosophy to guide her, Michel has\u2014and still is\u2014gradually shifting her thoughts, and behaviors, cultivating healthier, more conscious patterns aligned with self-compassion.<\/p>\n

Michel says the last six months or so have been particularly transformative. In addition to her therapeutic work, she has become more intentional about fostering relationships that are rooted in authenticity, accountability, and vulnerability. \u201cIt took me a long time to find my people,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

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Another pivotal part of her journey has been stepping into her divine feminine energy<\/a>. \u201cSo much of my life has been fighting, hustling, grinding,\u201d Michel says. \u201cI never let myself rest or take care of myself in a soft, compassionate way. The community of women I\u2019ve found are all doing their own internal spiritual work, and even my altar is mostly full of female deities. My goal this year is to step more into my feminine energy physically, mentally, and spiritually and to learn how to have deep, internal trust with myself, which allows me to trust the world a lot more.\u201d<\/p>\n

How Kirra Michel Steps Back From \u201cMore is More\u201d Culture<\/h2>\n

Michel credits many of the tenets that are central to yoga philosophy with steering her in a new direction. \u201cI\u2019m finding that overworking and burnout is not serving me physically or mentally,\u201d she says. \u201cI need to slow down so I can listen, ask for support, and let people in. I need to realize that more isn\u2019t<\/em> more and doing it alone isn\u2019t the way to do it.\u201d<\/p>\n

There are a few yoga principles that she continually leans on to repattern old habits as she steps away from the \u201cmore is more\u201d mentality. Below, Michel explains her understanding of these tenets.<\/p>\n

The Gunas<\/h3>\n

Sanskrit for \u201cstrands\u201d or \u201cqualities,\u201d the gunas<\/em><\/a> are energetic forces that form the foundation of the universe and everything it contains. They include tamas<\/em> (stability), rajas<\/em> (activity), and sattva<\/em> (consciousness).<\/p>\n

\u201cAccording to the gunas, if you\u2019re more in the rajasic state, it\u2019s very fiery and \u2018go-go-go,\u2019 and very much like the Ayurvedic pitta<\/em><\/a>dosha in nature,\u201d says Michel. \u201cWith that, you can only go so long before you burn out.\u201d She explains that those who are more in the tamasic <\/em>state are said to be more kapha-like in Ayurveda<\/a> and tend to be the opposite\u2014more lethargic and slow.<\/p>\n

Because the tendency to push away the things that would actually be best for us is common, Michel says it\u2019s about finding a happy medium. \u201cWe only have the discernment to figure out what we need if we\u2019re checking in and turning inward,\u201d she says. \u201cThat\u2019s where meditation and yoga have the ability to play such a big role. It\u2019s about sitting with ourselves to listen to our intuition so that our true selves can pull through. It\u2019s about finding that sattva<\/em>, that balance.\u201d<\/p>\n

Yoga Sutra 1.1<\/h3>\n

The first of Patanjali\u2019s teachings, \u201catha yoga anushasanam<\/em><\/a>,\u201dtranslates to \u201cnow, the practice of yoga begins.\u201d It\u2019s a message that Michel takes to heart any time she questions the timing of her progress as she steps away from the \u201cmore is more\u201d mentality.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow is the time, right?\u201d she says. \u201cIt wasn\u2019t when I was a teenager; I wasn\u2019t called to it then. Whenever you\u2019re called to it is the time.\u201d Michel is clear, however, that timing is only part of the equation when it comes to change and evolution. Effort is just as critical.<\/p>\n

When it came to putting in the work necessary to tackle her perfectionist tendencies, Michel committed to seeking out resources and support, the same way she had committed to physical and professional achievements in the past. \u201cI started listening to all kinds of podcasts and putting my mind in the position to stretch my beliefs,\u201d she says. \u201cAnd I learned about concepts like wabi-sabi<\/em><\/a>, the Japanese art of embracing imperfections. I started learning to soften my grip.\u201d<\/p>\n

Yoga Sutra 1.2<\/h3>\n

The second sutra,\u201cYogas chitta vritti nirodha<\/em>,\u201d is one that Michel quotes often in her classes. It means, \u201cYoga is the ceasing or the settling or the quieting of the overanalytical mind,\u201d she says. \u201cUsually, we\u2019re all either attaching to the past or the future, which leads to suffering, or we\u2019re averting from them, which is also going to lead to suffering\u2014we\u2019re not here now<\/em>.\u201d We all want to be loved, we all want to be validated, but so many of us are afraid of love and being truly seen,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

Not only does an understanding of Sutra 1.2 help root Michel in the reason for her practice, but students benefit from it as well. \u201dThe amount of people that it resonates with who say, \u2018Oh my god\u2019 \u2014 and that\u2019s magic. If we\u2019re raw and emotional and vulnerable enough, there\u2019s that connection\u2014we\u2019re all just human.\u201d<\/p>\n

As an example, Michel mentions her yoga practice. \u201cI know what it feels like when I\u2019m trying to do Ardha Chandrasana and I fall out and I\u2019m like, \u2018Why aren\u2019t you better than that? You should be perfect. You\u2019re a dancer, what\u2019s wrong with you?\u2019 If I can speak generally to that feeling when I teach, I know that\u2019s what most of us are doing in our everyday lives.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Yoga Sutra 1.14<\/h3>\n

The fourteenth aphorism of the sutras is \u201csa tu d\u012brghak\u0101la nairantarya satk\u0101ra-\u0101dara-\u0101sevito d\u1e5b\u1e0dhabh\u016bmi\u1e25<\/em>,\u201d and it loosely translates to \u201cwe become grounded in practice when it is done uninterruptedly for a long time.\u201d It\u2019s one that Michel often uses to kick off more challenging asana classes that can evoke frustration for many students, such as a Handstand practice<\/a>. \u201d Michel has learned to find the balance in that phrase, rather than taking it to the physical and mental extreme.<\/p>\n

\u201cYoga can be strict; they say if you want the results, you have to do the work,\u201d she says. \u201cBut if you do too much<\/em> of the work, it\u2019s burnout, it\u2019s overload, it\u2019s overstimulation. You\u2019re more than likely going to end up with health issues and end up being in a constant state of fight-or-flight because your body is in survival mode.\u201d<\/p>\n

Michel finds that it\u2019s the same in life. \u201cI\u2019ve been in survival mode for the majority of my life,\u201d she says. \u201cMy body\u2019s trying to get back to homeostasis, because that\u2019s what our bodies do, but I haven\u2019t allowed it to do that because \u2018more is more is more.\u2019 Hustle culture is just burning us out because we\u2019re in constant overdrive \u2014 the central nervous system isn\u2019t supposed to be under 24\/7 stress.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pratyahara<\/h3>\n

Translated as \u201cthe conscious withdrawal of energy from the senses,\u201d pratyahara<\/em> is the fifth limb of yoga<\/a> and a fundamental element of the yoga practice that Michel finds invaluable in connecting with her intuition and pulling away from a self-punishing mindset.<\/p>\n

\u201cI start all my classes with tuning in rather than tuning out,\u201d she says. \u201cInstead of trying to go deeper and further and work harder to gain the results that we may or may not get, can we check in? Can we close the eyes and start to focus on the here and now?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWith time and practice, we have the ability to get in contact with the Atman<\/em>, the capital-S Self, which is who we are without avidya<\/em> or incorrect knowledge,\u201d Michel explains. \u201cWhen society is telling us we have to be thinner or hustle and work harder\u2014that\u2019s the incorrect knowledge. That\u2019s the ego-driven stuff. And it\u2019s not that ego is bad, but it doesn\u2019t ask us to sit with our intuition and to listen and be still, and that\u2019s why you can\u2019t take meditation out of yoga.\u201d<\/p>\n

Like most yogis, Michel continues to work on the tenets of the practice that help her feel more connected with her true self and less bound to arbitrary societal standards. And through her teaching, she\u2019s had the opportunity to connect with countless others in the studio and on social media who are all on the same journey.<\/p>\n

\u201cI feel like so many of us have gotten lost; like we have these filters on,\u201d Michel says, referring to the societal expectations and standards so many of us hold ourselves to. \u201cAnd I have to ask, \u2018is this my filter? Is this someone else\u2019s story?\u2019 It\u2019s really hard, the filters are sticky. And that\u2019s why I keep coming back to the mat. That\u2019s why I keep meditating. So that in 10 years, I can think, \u2018this is so much nicer.\u2019 We talk about fight-or-flight and rest-and-digest, but there\u2019s also this \u2018stay-and-play\u2019 area in the middle. And I think I want to spend more time there.\u201d<\/p>\n

About Our Contributor<\/strong><\/p>\n

Michelle Konstantinovsky<\/a> is a San Francisco-based independent journalist, writer, editor, and UC Berkeley Graduate School of Journalism alum. She\u2019s written extensively on health, body image, entertainment, lifestyle, design, and tech for outlets including Vogue, Vanity Fair, Scientific American, Glamour, Shape, Self, WIRED, Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Teen Vogue, and many more. She has also served as the health and wellness editor at Fitbit, senior health writer at One Medical, and contributing editor at California Home + Design. She completed 200 hours of yoga teacher training in 2018 and is still trying to understand the physics of hand balancing. Follow her at @michellekmedia<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\"She<\/figure>\n

Life changed for Peloton yoga teacher Kirra Michel when she decided to direct the effort she gave to everything else toward herself.<\/p>\n

The post She Was Exhausted by Overachieving. Then She Tried Yoga.<\/a> appeared first on Yoga Journal<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":17997,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[37,35,36],"class_list":["post-17996","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ayurveda","tag-blogs","tag-yoga","tag-yogacourseware"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/yogacourseware.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17996","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/yogacourseware.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/yogacourseware.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yogacourseware.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yogacourseware.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17996"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/yogacourseware.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17996\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yogacourseware.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/17997"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/yogacourseware.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17996"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yogacourseware.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17996"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yogacourseware.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17996"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}